its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
