My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
