I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
