if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I AM VODKA MAN
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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