I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
