she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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