i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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