My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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