Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
