Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
