And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This house was built for laser tag.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
