I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
