Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
