Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize