You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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