If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
