The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
