Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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