i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
