it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
