just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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