Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have aggressive nipples.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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