how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
