Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
