Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
