onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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