I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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