i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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