True but thats because hes a fetus.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
