cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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