to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
