Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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