Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
