Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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