So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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