I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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