you're like a bully in the Christmas story
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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