Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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