Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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