Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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