he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
