she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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