Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
