you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
