It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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