I just pynch a tree in the face
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
