spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
