Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
