he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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