This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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