"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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