Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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