Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
