Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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