Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
