If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
