Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
