I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I understand Curling. That high.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
