And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
