I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm getting married
To pizza
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
