I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
