awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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