what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
