I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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