i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
