"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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