I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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