Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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