I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
