she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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