are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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