dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
