Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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