I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Your penis caused this!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
