You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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