Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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