I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
