summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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